Category: Tarnished Gold

The Life and Times of James T. Orwell

James T. Orwell, born sometime in 1963, isn’t real. Google him. Perhaps another James T. Orwell will appear in the search results. But not THIS James T. Orwell. He’s not called Jim or Jamie. He’s not called James, either. When I think of him, he’s always James T. Orwell. What’s the middle name, indicated by the “T”? I don’t know. I never figured that one out.

  1. Gasoline was about $0.29 a gallon. And Major News Stories include Start of Beatlemania, Zip codes implemented, Martin Luther King, Jr. delivers his “I have a dream” speech, Members of Ku Klux Klan dynamite Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama, Sabin oral Polio Vaccine which is taken with a lump of sugar is given nationwide in US and UK, The Profumo Crisis in the UK, President John F Kennedy assassinated

One Terrence William Robinson, yours truly, had graduated valedictorian from Brown Military Academy in Glendora, California. I spent a pensive summer thinking about. . . I haven’t the foggiest notion what I was thinking. But I do know that I told my Dad I’d love to go to Northwestern Military and Navel Academy, the high school from where he’d graduated in 1942. I thought at the time I was destine to follow in his military marching footsteps. I had know clue. . . He’d graduated then gone directly into the Army, jump school, and assignment with the 327th Glider Regiment, 101st Airborne. Eventually, he went with the 101st from France all the way to the Germany, by way of Bastogne, the well-known Battle of the Bulge in which the division commander refused surrender with the words, “Nuts.” My father went on to serve, and serve well, fought in two wars, and finally retiring in the 1980s as a Colonel.

But eventually I knew what I wanted to do. I remember finally coming to terms and telling Dad that I wanted to major in English in college.

“An English degree and a dime will get you a cup of coffee,” was his only comment. I took it that he wasn’t pleased, thought it highly unlikely that his son would amount to anything, and dismissed my idea. The pen name, James T. Orwell, took a back seat. Oh, James T. Orwell resurfaced no and again. Especially when, as an adult I took night classes in writing and poetry and such.

My days at Northwestern were miserable. It wasn’t the wonderful experience Dad had there. It certainly was far different from the experience I had at Brown Military. There I’d seemed to fit in, did well in both academics and military subjects. Except for one fatal weekend, I excelled. I felt I was headed for great things, a wonderful future.

President Eisenhower, having served the military faithfully, and served America in the highest office, came to Brown one day. The cadet corps assembled on the football/parade field and passed in review. I was called forward and promoted in his presence. Such an honor. I revered both Generals and Priests. I also feared them.

Having been raised in the Episcopal Church, America’s version of the Anglican Church of England, I didn’t learn a lot of things about the Bible as did others who were raised in Bible-based Churches. But at Brown I had several teachers that were Christians, and we had religion classes that were Bible-based. That led to a weekend retreat in the mountains, and Church services that were new and very different to what I was accustom. It was at that Retreat I first encountered the alter call. The Big Decision. That was my “Fatal Weekend.” At least for many years that is how I looked at it.

It was the last day of the Retreat. A Sunday. The Church was filled. The service rousing. Praise songs instead of hymns. A sermon preached with assurance and with a power I’d never experienced. And an Alter Call.

“Everyone close your eyes,” the pastor cried out. And we all did.

“Raise your hands if you want to accept Jesus as your savior,” he went on. I wanted to raise my hand. I was afraid.

“Now come forward,” the pastor cried out. I sat there paralyzed. Others went forward. I stayed back. I held back. I was frozen in my seat. I didn’t know what it meant to accept Jesus. I thought I knew Jesus, having been in Church all my life. I wanted to know more. But fear of the unknown grasped me like chains about my ankles. Then the service was over, and soon I, and the guys I came with, were headed back to Brown. I’d missed my opportunity.

For years I thought that was my big chance and I’d missed it. When things got hard for me over the years, and I made poor choices, or no choices, I thought back to that Alter Call with regret.

Northwestern Military and Navel Academy was an Episcopal school. While my time there was miserable, at least in Church I was comfortable in the ritual and routine. I served as an Alter Boy. I retained my faith. But I lost something, too. At least that’s what I thought when I looked back at what I’d been offered at Brown. I blamed my misery on indecision.

When I thought of that Alter Call, I wished I’d have run, not walked, forward to the Alter. Forward to receive Jesus in the way that pastor had cried out to us. I stopped going to Episcopal Church after I graduated high school. I meandered forward, yet longed to have a greater faith, a true walk with Jesus. I was now bound with guilt of what I thought was my “chance.” It seemed like a lost opportunity.

That was wrong, of course. Opportunities abound. I just didn’t think so.

1973. Major News Stories include Skylab Launched, Cod War UK and Iceland, Secretariat Wins Triple Crown on June 9th , Three-Day Week put in place in the UK, Sydney Opera House is opened, Yom Kippur War and Oil Embargo, Watergate Hearings Begin, Supreme Court rules on Roe v. Wade.

One Terrence William Robinson, yours truly, had been infantry with the 40th Infantry Division of the California Army National Guard. I’d accepted a full-time position at Camp Roberts, and began working in communications systems, armament and small arms, and worked hard. I was not an officer, as my Grandfather and my Dad. I’d joined the National Guard simple doing what my Dad thought best. I’d trained at Fort Ord, California, along with 283 Army Infantry guys, who all went on to Viet Nam. After training, I went home. And for years I felt guilty about that, too.

It was in a barracks, at Fort Irwin, California, that a guy started talking about Jesus. And I started thinking again about my walk, my faith. And I enrolled in a Bible Study course, a correspondence course, to learn more.

As I look back, having dealt with the guilt of that “Fatal” Weekend of indecision, I now know that G-D had a call upon my life. I just didn’t realize it for too many years.

Lessons Learned.

The LORD is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
The LORD is good to all,
and his mercy is over all that he has made. Psalm 145: 9, 10.

It seems to me, now so many years later, that even had I run to that Alter, did what that pastor cried out to do, I’d have still faced all the same difficult times that I faced. I’d have been the same me. Accepting Jesus isn’t the answer to some ideal life of ease. Accepting Jesus is assurance of Peace within one’s soul and an assurance of eternal life. I’d have still made some good decisions, and some that weren’t so good. Life is simply life. I’d have avoided the guilt, however. And, yes, it may just have presented some opportunities that were not available to me. Perhaps.

Realize, I have, that G-D has had a call on my life since I was conceived. For G-D has known me.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.a
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139: 13-16

Jesus promises life, and life of abundantly. It’s not too late to commit, to choose that life, either. For YeshuaJesus calls and is patient. When He calls, He continues to call. Our response is a response of the heart. A response of the soul. I know now that I responded in my heart as a child. I just needed to come to the mental awareness, the intellectual knowledge of that decision.

L-RD Bless, Keep, Shine. . .

Last Night. . .

. . . the remains of the Thanksgiving turkey sat already sliced along side cranberry sauce and stuffing, ready for sandwiches if we ever get hungry again. Earlier we’d shared a quiet meal, just immediate family, as extended family live far away. I drove my son to a friends home, where he’d been invited to share in a fabulous desert his friend’s mom prepared for their Thanksgiving supper. On the drive home I realized my own thankfulness.

Thoughts rattled through my mind of my own high school visit to girl’s home during a holiday. Charlene. She eventually became my first girl friend. I remember that she liked Elvis Presley, had an older brother who’d raced motorcycles. Charlene was a year older, could drive, and had a blue Cadillac. She was sweet and her parents were kind to me. One time when I was visiting her, brother said something or other, to which Charlene said to me, “Don’t mind him, his nose is out of joint.” I said something about no wonder he’s upset if his nose is broken. She laughed. Then gently explained that an out-of-joint nose meant–bad mood. That was a long time ago. I was young. I was immature. I remember there was a song that I liked, that I shared with Charlene, about following a rainbow, following dreams. She asked me if I wanted to follow some rainbow somewhere. I guess I did. We broke up. Eventually I followed the elusive rainbow and discovered there’s no pot at the end of the rainbow, just a rusty kettle, an empty, rusty kettle. It’s so very easy for me to spend moments wallowing in regrets for what i perceive of as bad choices I’ve made. Yet last night, I remembered so fondly G-d’s gift of knowing Charlene, who had invited me to her house one holiday when I was home from military academy, who became someone very special in my life, though she may not have realized it, and whom I hurt just because I was me, am me.

So last night, alone on the drive back home, I found thankfulness in within myself for the true bounty of the Lord’s work in me, in life. I thought how totally blessed I’ve been despite many wrong turns, blind alley ways, dead end streets, I have thought my life’s path has taken. There have been many things I’ve done, many roles I’ve filled. In all, and through all, whether or not I listened, the still voice of G-d spoke to me through His Spirit. The Lord, my G-d, our G-d, has loved me through all my wanderings, meanderings, and loves me yet. And G-d. . .

. . .knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

Job 23:10

This morning, early, I am at peace feeling surrounded, encompassed by the grace our Heavenly Father extended to me through His Son, our Savior, our Lord, Y’shuaJesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit. I am blessed, not because of what I’ve done, but because of all the Y’shuaJesus did on my behave. And it is through Y’shuaJesus that I am sealed, my name being written in the Book of Life. Praise the Name of the Lord, Y’shua!

Thank You, Lord.

Lord Bless, Keep, Shine. . .

Human Kindness

This morning I was thinking about kindness. Actually, I was thinking more on the lack of it. It’s not just in other people with whom I come in contact, but it is with me, too. I just don’t feel truly kind anymore, like the irritability I often feel saps it from me. Maybe it’s a sign of these Times, like love waning, becoming cold. Maybe it’s just me getting old and grumpy.

For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

Hosea 6:6

A quick web search on Biblical Kindness, the kindness of the Lord Y’shuaJesus, came up with an interesting article at Bible Study Tools. The article points out that the word kindness is but one of many terms that overlap in meaning. Like the word mercy as used in Hosea.

“Human Kindness The Scriptures also teach that divine kindness is to be reflected in the human experience. Indeed, expressing kindness to other human beings is more important than performing ritual sacrifice to God ( Hosea 6:6 ; Matt 9:13 ; 12:7 ). Thus, we are to love kindness ( Mic6:8 ) and to be children of the Most High, exhibiting his kindness and mercy ( Luke 6:35-36 ). Even more direct is the simple injunction to be kind ( Eph 4:32 ). Kindness often finds a place in the lists of Christian virtues ( 1 Col 13:4 ; Col 3:12 ). Paul can take the injunction a step further and claim to exemplify kindness in his own life to a degree that commends his ministry as authentic ( 2 Cor 6:6 ).

“Yet human imitation of God’s kindness does not come naturally. In fact, ultimately no  one is kind ( Psalm14:3 ; Rom 3:12 ). It is only as the fruit of God’s Spirit that kindness can be a consistent part of the believer’s experience ( Gal 5:22 ).” (from Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology.)

So I can see that in truth, it’s not that I’m becoming unkind through my irritability, it’s that I’m unkind in my inhuman nature. It’s probably “normal” to be irritable and unkind. To be truly kind, my ministry must be authentic, my works pure, and the fruit of the Spirit will create in me the kindness I lack.

Lord, create in me a clean heart, bringing me to an authentic life in You, that I might display Your kindness to all with whom You allow me contact. AMEN.

And to y’all. . . Lord Bless, Keep, Shine. . . creating in you, too, a clean heart to be filled with the Peace of the Lord Y’shuaJesus. AMEN.

Getting Back to Basics—Four

Regardless of how we get into an exile situation, we are not in the place G-d intends for us to be. In the book of Ezra, a wave of exiles are released to return to Israel. Once there, they follow an interesting order: First on the agenda: getting settled in and their own homes in order. They meet in Jerusalem to celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles (or Booths/Tents), and then begin the ritual sacrifices to G-d. Finally they begin work on the Temple, starting with the foundation.

Now when the adversaries of Judah and Benjamin heard that the returned exiles were building a temple to the LORD, the God of Israel, they approached Zerubbabel and the heads of fathers’ houses and said to them, “Let us build with you, for we worship your God as you do, and we have been sacrificing to him ever since the days of Esarhaddon king of Assyria who brought us here.” But Zerubbabel, Jeshua, and the rest of the heads of fathers’ houses in Israel said to them, “You have nothing to do with us in building a house to our God; but we alone will build to the LORD, the God of Israel, as King Cyrus the king of Persia has commanded us.” Then the people of the land discouraged the people of Judah and made them afraid to build and bribed counselors against them to frustrate their purpose, all the days of Cyrus king of Persia, even until the reign of Darius king of Persia. And in the reign of Ahasuerus, in the beginning of his reign, they wrote an accusation against the inhabitants of Judah and Jerusalem.

Ezra 4:1-6

English: The Jews Return to Jerusalem in the T...

Point three in this look at Getting Back to Basics is: Once G-d’s people return to where they are suppose to be and begin to rebuild their spiritual lives, there is resistance to their efforts.

Now those “adversaries” are not Jews. But before you say, “Well, the Jews made the Gentiles angry when they refused to let them help.” I think the Gentiles wanted work, wanted a share in the money being spent. They wanted construction contracts. And they were refused. Here’s what the note in The Apologetics Study Bible says, “Some people see an arrogant attitude at work in this rejection of help. However, the Jews were applying an important spiritual principle—service should be conducted by God’s people. They should be very wary of partnerships that involve unbelievers in fulfilling their service to God.” This rebuilding is between the people of G-d and G-d Himself, without outside “assistance.” This rejection of help enrages people, and those people become resistant to the Jews’ efforts at rebuilding their spiritual lives, their nation.

So here’s the the modern-day exile: Tarnished Gold. We are Christians. We are among those who Believe. We know we are saved by grace. Our names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Live. But we also know we are far from being G-d’s model Christian. We are tarnished. At some point we become conscious of the tarnish that is on us. Our Thoughts, Words, and our Deeds are not what we want them to be. We begin to try to clean ourselves up. That’s when things get interesting.

Sunday I visited Christ Community Church. Pastor Jason, in his talk, spoke of the fallacy of trying. We try, we fail. We are, he said, to train. We either do or we don’t. We train to do. We take it one step at a time, is what I took from this part of his talk. The overall theme of his talk is really interesting. It was May Day: A Heart Check. It took its core message from Mark 10:17-31 in which a man walks away from Y’shuaJesus, turns away from Y’shuaJesus, Who asked him to sell all his material possessions and come and follow Him.

The key points in Pastor Jason’s talk are:

  • Sincerity is not the same as obedience.
  • If possessions have our heart, God cannot.
  • Following Christ will always cost you something.
  • Allow his love to transform your heart.

So, in the book of Ezra, non-Jewish folks resist the Jewish rebuilding of the Temple. They raise concerns to the Earthly authority, and that authority says, “Cease and Desist.” Pastor Jason didn’t speak about resistance as such in our attempt to reconnect with G-d, to get into a place with Him to which we feel called. Pastor Jason did, however, talk about how he would, as his pastor before him, try to talk people out of going into the ministry. Pastor Jason said that if he could talk a person out of it, it wasn’t from G-d.

If we really want to build or rebuild our relationship with our Lord, we are going to experience resistance. In Ezra, the resistance is from non-Jewish peoples afraid of the power of a people totally in G-d’s plan and protection. The resistance we may receive today, to our re-establishing or deepening our relationship with G-d, should only come from non-believers in Messiah. But, from what I take out of what Pastor Jason said, this resistance can come from those near and dear to us in order to test us to be sure that we are truly called to this new thing. Wow! Assaulted from both sides.

Funny. There are so many times in which I’ve pushed toward some goal, whether physically or spiritually, that I’ve not known whether it was G-d’s desire that I push onward, or allow myself to stop and be redirected. Resistance. The real question is when is resistance to bend us toward the destination or be broken through in order to get to the destination. Interesting question, isn’t it? But then perhaps you’ve got that figured out. I suppose is has to do with knowing precisely what the will of G-d is, what the destination is suppose to actually be.

Here’s something from Mira Grant’s book Blackout (the third book in a zombie trilogy):

“You’re a crazy. . . Shaun Mason, and I think sometimes you’re not going to be happy until you’ve managed to get every last one of us killed, but you’re a good man, all the same.”

“Remind me to have that inscribed on my urn.” I said, and Becks laughed, and things felt like they might be okay again. We had a direction. I didn’t like it; I didn’t have to. All I had to do was follow it, and let it lead me to whatever the next step on this increasingly insane journey would prove to be.

Direction. The Will of G-d. Perhaps I think too much. Perhaps I’m sincere, but fail to obey. Perhaps I simply am not willing to spend what it takes to follow. It becomes a bit clearer to me now, though, that isn’t the doing. The way Pastor Jason put it is that it isn’t about finding out, and following, G-d’s will; it is about seeking G-d’s heart. This isn’t something new to me. Rephrased, yes. I’ve known it this way: “It’s not about doing, but being,” meaning being in relationship with the Lord, our G-d, our Creator, and knowing HIM.

Knowing G-d’s heart allows us to overcome all resistance, even if it means allowing the resistance to redirect us. Knowing G-d’s heart means not worrying about the moment, where we are starring at our path, but to lift our head up, to look toward heaven, to watch for our Lord with utter rapt attention.

Then will appear in heaven the sign of the Son of Man, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn, and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.

Matthew 24:30

Lord Bless, Keep, Shine. . .